So it's finally been realized. I'm an actor who doesn't act. An artist who doesn't create. A writer who doesn't write... but now it's starting to change again. I'm finally starting to write, it's been a long time since I have, months at least. It was starting to get to me. I could feel myself being dragged down, stifling, all the creativity inside of me was clawing to get out, and failing that, beginning to rot. It feels good to see words in front of me again, something better than just a few simple lines scrawled out in communication.
This move has been helping me, I have to start believing that. It's gotten me starting creating again, maybe soon I'll start drawing again, or maybe painting. I need to convince myself it was a good idea, because if I don't I'm going to go insane.
I'm homesick, I miss California. I miss the beautiful views, and watching the stars with my friends. I miss the roads, and the traffic. I miss our old apartment and all the people around us there. But most of all I miss my friends. I miss the companionship that I had back home. The ability to just go and sit in silence with someone for hours, because we know each other so well we don't have to say anything. I miss having people around me who know they can show up at my door at any hour day or night and be welcome. I miss our old life. Sure it wasn't perfect, but it was ours. And now I'm not sure who's life this is. This place isn't home, I don't know if it will ever be. It's all the same stuff here, the couch, pictures on the wall, we even still have a fireplace, but it's lacking what made it a home to me. It's lacking Jenny lounging on my couch with a book, and Kimmy on the computer checking her mail. It doesn't have Sevi in the kitchen grabbing herself something to drink, or Sandra on her way down so we can hang out at the book store. The people who made my life whole aren't here, and now I just feel empty.
The funny thing is, I really do like it here in Austin. The people for the most part are really awesome, there's no real traffic. The family that we do have here are really wonderful, and the storms.... they're just gorgeous. I love seeing all the trees, it's a nice reminder that not everything is dry and dead in the rest of the world.
I wish I could transport everyone who made California home out here, then it could be perfect....